I’d like to look at common mistakes tennis coaches, players, and parents make when helping their child or children develop their games. This has been written about as long as I can remember, and is always relevant.

First, tennis is a challenging and complex game. But, it is just that: a game. It is not life or death. It is not a natural skill. It is not identical with any other skill or set of skills. And, it does comprise of “ups and downs” when learning these sets of skills.

Sports Psychologists are experts in analyzing players and their environment and abilities, along with implementing strategies to help with desired outcomes. I am not a psychologist, even though I have studied psychology at the university level in the past. However, I do have quite a bit of experience (decades) coaching and teaching tennis and about the game to parents, players, and other coaches. The sport is changing and as a coach, I like to change with it.

There are varieties of approaches, and the more I’ve seen these varieties, the more I realize there are “helpful” practices, and “less helpful” practices in training tennis players. Here are some of the “less helpful” practices.

Number one mistake: coaches, parents, and players often do not clearly define their objectives.

And everyone have bouts with communication! The muddier the waters of communication, the more conflict and chaos there is. Setting clear and concise objectives is like having a “map” of where you are going. At least have a clear short term plan and, if possible, a midway plan and a long term plan. These can be fluid and adjusted through time. Every group dynamic is different, and input from all people involved should be looked at. “Brain-storming” or idea generation should be an on-going activity with tennis players and their support groups.

Number two mistake: coaches, parents, and players often do not increase their communication skills. There are many styles of communication. Learn to actively listen to each other, and repeat what you think was said. Take turns talking. Take turns listening. Don’t get me wrong - there are roles that each person plays in the process of working with tennis players, and that is good. Defining what the roles are is very important. List 5 roles of each person involved in the process of developing a tennis player. Parents can’t read the coaches mind. Players can’t read the parents minds. Coaches can’t read either the player or the parents minds!

Number three mistake: creating an adversarial relationship with one another! Players should adhere to this as well. Negativity and critical spirits breed contempt. When someone in the group dynamic is not respecting the other or others, there will be tension and pain. Human nature has a lot to do with pain and pleasure. If the pain in the process is greater than the pleasure or reward, people will find a way out. Players will give up or be in constant turmoil, coaches will be finding a way to leave the situation. Parents can pull back, or search for a new direction. Study the 4 horsemen of relationship severance. They are: stonewalling, critical spirit, defensiveness and contempt.

Number 4 mistake: If you don’t define roles of coaches, parents, and players there will be confusion and boundary breaking. Stay in your lane! I’ve experienced this as a coach where parents want the best for their child and try to become the coach. This might work if the roles are defined that way and the parent is a trained teaching professional. But, even then, when the parent has to parent and coach there often is a higher amount of stress, and important decisions are hurried. Collaboration with one another creates a team and defining specific roles creates more direction and less chaos.

Number 5 mistake: If the team only looks at the short term goals, and not the medium or long term goals. A player may do well initially because he/she has some advantages with natural ability or early maturity. If the player is not given skills for the future, they will stop improving at some point, and other players will surpass them. This becomes frustrating, and players feel less motivated when their game stagnates. They may even quit or express “burn-out”. Lack of quality coaching consumes less money and time in the short run, but it often leads to everyones stagnation.

So there you have 5 mistakes that parents, players and coaches make when helping a player develop a competitive game. Tennis is a challenging game for a variety of reasons. I once taught a few lessons to an NBA basketball professional. He said he was all-state in baseball, basketball, and football in high school, and a star in basketball in college. He said that tennis is the most difficult sport he had ever played. Of course, he wanted to be good at it also! But that is very interesting and showcases the challenge of playing and improving at tennis.

I hope this was helpful for you. If I can be of service to you, please send me a note to [email protected].